Gay Girl’s Guide to College

Married Gay People Who Are Sorry

Posted in Gays in the Spotlight by Leslie on March 24, 2009

Word, Portia.

Heternormativity Hard At Work On Campus

Posted in Heternormativity At Work by Leslie on March 23, 2009

Last quarter, I had a typography professor who tended to liken type faces to women’s bodies.

Now, this would generally excite me if not for a little switcharoo he pulled during class time at his studio, MATTER, about four weeks ago.

While critiquing a poster project I’d completed for the course, said professor likened my use of certain style elements to my “male suitor’s” clothing choices.  Let me explain.

Mr. Professor told me that the non-text design elements in my poster were doing little for its layout.  He compared this to a possible male suitor, implicating a curly-haired boy in class wearing tropical surf shorts, asking:

If you had a male suitor who brought you flowers and wore a tux, wouldn’t you choose him over a self-styled suitor in cutoffs and a t-shirt?

This, apparently, related directly to my use of lines as style elements in the poster.  According to Mr. Professor, those lines were the cutoffs-clad suitor.

Given that Mr. Professor generally compared type to women’s bodies, isn’t it strange he didn’t just stick with the original metaphor when dealing with my poster’s sadly-placed lines?  Or would it have violated the heteronormativity clause apparently inherent on college campuses everywhere?

Needless to say, I wanted to set him “straight” but thought it ill-advised in the middle of a college class session.

Now I ask you, loyal readers: should I have bucked the system?  Should I have asked Mr. Professor to reinstate his use of the female anatomy metaphor, even when referring to my own sexual interests?  Should I have told him, point-blank, in front of my 9 student peers, that I’m dating a chick?  (Just fyi, her curves are more Gotham Bold than Bodoni Book, and I like it that way.)

Lost and Delirious at Daybreak

Posted in Gay Media, Poetic Rambings by Leslie on March 15, 2009

I was taken in whole and produced again, tangled in bracken and your hair, wrapped in legs together.  I laid prostrate while the sky cracked, molten yellow beginning to illuminate the holes in my wall and my head.

Paulie and Tori

Paulie and Tori

I remembered man sweat and hair and the kind of tangles that pull and snap, sting, linger.  It made me want nothing more than the shadow of your eyelashes against cheek, your sweet coconut silk hair.  The expectation, the construction, little holes we fit into like a child’s toy: the blue rectangle fits through the blue rectangular hole, the red circle through the red circular hole.  The heart through the heart-shaped hole.

When I went to bed, the label was affixed to my forehead, to my maroon sweater front.  I gagged and pulled at its strings, clawed at the fabric weave, but to no avail.  “I’m just Paulie, who loves Tori.”  I’m just a lesbian.  I’m just not into penis.  I’m just into you.  Is gender a construction or a basis, a checklist, for intimacy?  A reminder to straighten up, straighten out, straighten your hair, bat your eyelashes… the thick tan penis through the pulsing woman hole.

All that was left on my pink pillow by daybreak was the idea of your hair, of soft skin, of something other than stale sweat and torn sheets and a hollow lover sprawled, untouching and untouchable, snoring.  The light brings panic instead of calm.

Paulie and Tori, the last opportunity

Paulie and Tori, the last opportunity

It’s 7:13 a.m. and sleep has eluded me.  I watched the movie Lost and Delirious tonight, drank chocolate chai tea with milk, was lectured about the process of repressing memory.  I listened to Ani over and over: You Had Me.

You’ll say it’s really good to see you
You’ll say I missed you horribly
You’ll say let me carry that
Give that to me
And you will take the heavy stuff
And you will drive the car
And I’ll look out the window making jokes
About the way things are


Republic of Mandom

Posted in Gay Media, Poetic Rambings by Leslie on March 13, 2009

I had the strangest dream last night, which might have been due to the fact that I had only gotten three hours of sleep in the past 36 hours, but regardless.

The setting: a dystopia, hauntingly like the Republic of Gilead.

A heterosexual love story of queer proportions: Offred and Nick.
A heterosexual love story of queer proportions: Offred and Nick.

The story: I am in a red dress.  We have been bused in from somewhere else, somewhere real, and we’re all milling about, lost, looking into store windows at the luxuries we can’t afford.

They stand guard in blue suits and watch us, smile.  The ones who have swallowed it, hook line and sinker, have black irises.  I do not.

Some of us lounge in chairs like we were resting on the lido deck of a Carnival cruise ship.  I sit here for a while, scared.  The sun doesn’t help.  I get up and move around.  I explore.

A group of colored-irises and I find a dead body, decaying, under railroad tracks in the area of this place we aren’t supposed to go to.  It’s the founder, or a trespasser.  We aren’t sure.  We do not touch, and yet I hunger for flesh.

I go into a pet store.  The one next to me points at a turtle and shrieks.  They give us pennies for weeks of work.  We will never afford a turtle.  I start to feel like my innards are seeping out when a man with colored irises winks at me and leans in close.  He hugs me, which isn’t allowed, and I feel the warmth and smoothness of his neck against my hand.  It is like butter, like caressing the sun.  My fingers hit a round metal protrusion in his neck, something artificial, something they put inside him… he pulls away.  Looks me in the eye.  Smiles and walks away.

It was the most erotic dream I’ve had in years, and the culprit was a man with a Frankenstein neck.

Let’s just call it unsettling.

DU Administration Tagged As Militant Lesbians

Posted in lesbian by Leslie on March 6, 2009
Chancellor Robert Coombe of DU - a militant lesbian?

Chancellor Robert Coombe of DU - a militant lesbian?

The administration at the University of Denver were recently compared to militant lesbian women.

Something in me, as a DU student, begs the question: Does Chancellor Robert Coombe look like a militant lesbian woman to you?

Perhaps the more pertinent question is what would bring about such an assertion.

Let’s take a look at DU alum “Tony,” who posted on the University of Denver’s student newspaper website, duclarion.com, in October of last year:

“I’m frankly embarrassed by the far-left, no-doubt Obama-supporting liberals that run my alma mater. When the women who run that [DU] school (and let’s be honest, it’s militant lesbian women) get back from their next bashing-anything-masculine conference, I hope that DU students will continue to fight for traditional American values. If there are any REAL MEN left at DU, let them be heard!”

“Tony” makes this comment in response to the long-winded debate recently igniting some fire on campus: should we bring back Boone, the university’s mascot that reigned from 1968 until 1999?

Denver Boone incites anti-gay speech

Denver Boone not representative of "broad diversity of DU"

Boone, a cute little guy decked out in a coonskin cap sporting a full beard, has been cited as anti-woman, anti-Native American, divisive, and disrespectful.  Whether you buy into this politically correct argument or not, Chancellor Coombe sure does.  On October 20 of last year, he put Boone to rest for good.  Like or not, long live Ruckus, the strange and strangely anti-human hawk that took Boone’s place in 99.

Regardless of the mascot discussion, I have to wonder how “Tony” worked his way from fighting for Boone to fighting against gays.  According to him, it’s the “militant lesbian women” who run DU that buy into the policy that minorities ought to overshadow majority decisions — hence, let’s get rid of Boone because a small group of students may be offended by him, in spite of the majority’s obvious adoration for him.

While I consider “Tony’s” a valid argument, it seems a bit divisive to be arguing for the unifying value of a cute little mascot while simultaneously bashing the idea of gay marriage and, even more, gays as a minority.

He goes on, in a later post, to compare the fight for Boone, where the minority opinion appears to have won out, to the fight for gay marriage:

“Here’s a great example…. In every state where gay marriage has been put to a vote of the people, the people vote no. Yet, in some states, judges come along and say yes. So, according to these judges, the will of the people means nothing. Does this sound like a country “of the people, by the people, and for the people?”

Does anyone quite follow his logic? Whether “Tony” is anti-gay or not, it’s apparent he finds the need to bring a human rights controversy into a silly argument over a college mascot.

“I’m sick of our conservative, traditional values being squashed by these radical liberals who run our universities…. all in the name of “diversity” and “tolerance” and “being inclusive”…. when diversity means anything but a white male, when tolerance means acceptance, and when being inclusive means excluding the majority opinion.”

Furthermore, “Tony” insinuates we should consider a white male diverse and we, as gays and lesbians, should strive only for tolerance — because, of course, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. only sought tolerance.  I mean, if we went so far as to accept African-American people… what would this world come to?

“Tony” propagates the argument that the gay agenda means converting all heterosexual children to “our lifestyle” and recruiting peers to the rainbow side of life.  He also uses the background of a mascot argument to further the anti-minority mentality simply because he, as a white male, feels threatened in his position of apparent dominance and power when a minority group bands together seemingly “against” him.

Anyone else feeling a bit like “Tony” has just stepped out of a pair of Commander’s boots from Margaret Atwood’s Handmaid’s Tale?

However, what “Tony” might not understand is that gays and lesbians are not out to steal his future children or threaten his marriage.  They are not out to liberalize and proselytize at universities.  And, most especially, they are not out to do away with the Denver Boone.

And all this comes shortly before a day when the Supreme Court of California is set to hear arguments about the constitutionality of Prop 8, which denied gay couples the right to marry in the state of California.  Maybe it’s time we, as a society, stop worrying about what’s good for everyone else and start making our own marriages and our lives work for us.

So, what can we do (other than comment back and let “Tony” know he’s a douchebag)?  Let’s analyze and change our use of heteronormative language, double-check our cultural sensitivity, and take a good hard look at what gays and lesbians are really out to do:

find love.


And damn sure my girlfriend and I are right in the thick of it.  What would “Tony” think if he saw us holding hands while strolling across the Driscoll green?  Ah, if only…